Did I ever tell you about the time the Slonikers bust up Freddie's Oasis? Waal, the Slonikers come out here from Omaha. Think they get into the raisin' end a the cattle bidness, doncha know. They had live in the city, smellin' the city smells, 'n livin' the city life. They accume-u-late some coin, doncha know, 'n think to get into the country, raise some beef 'n live the country life.
Anyways, the Old Man Sloniker, he buy a bit a land over by Towner, 'n lease a whole gob lot more, he set to run a thousand head a Herefords, put his boy Junior to oversee th' operation. No doubt they mought coulda done this in Wyomin', or Kansas, or could maybe even stayed in Nebrasky. But they come to Colorado. The thing is, Mrs. Old Man Sloniker, Rhea was her name, an' Mrs. Junior Sloniker, name of Cynthia Anne, bless their hearts, get to missin' the city life. They both love dancin' an' music, an' the whut-not thet goes with them in the nightclubs they frequent back in Omaha. But they truly is no such nearby. Yet they learn a this honky tonk, plumb over to Burlington, mought nigh, where a good time of a Sattidy night was easy ta come by, 'n the booze flowed, 'n the fiddlers 'n pluckers was right pleasant ta hear.
So, a Sattidy of a July they get in Old Man's big long phaeton and head on north. They get to the Oasis the musicians is gettin' warm up real good, 'n they start in with a couple drinks, Junior 'n Cynthia Anne test out the dance floor. Presently, Old Man 'n Rhea cut loose, an' those cowhands 'n clod busters, not to mention even the fiddlers 'n pluckers, scarce never see anyone who kin dance the way thet ol' couple kin! Well, I needin' to abbreviate this tale, les'n we don't finish afore bed time.
After a few more dances, an' doubtless a few more drinks, th' four Slonikers is all astandin' alongside the band, aclappin' they han's 'n stompin' they feet, whilst several other couples is whirlin' aroun' th' floor, when of a sudden, Junior let out with a mighty "Whoo-eeee!" just as a, shall we say hefty, couple swirl apast them. Hefty Guy turn loose his partner, turn back to Junior and say, "Whut did you say? Soo-ey? You callin' my gal a pig?" An' athout awaitin' a answer, Hefty slug Junior raght in the mouth, bust out the lef' front bunny tooth. Plumb out. Then Old Man Sloniker grab Hefty by his lay-pel 'n holler, "Whut for did you hit mah boy?" An' athout awaitin' a answer, Old Man slug Hefty smack in his considerable nose. Which instantly spray blood ever'where.
'N thet were the signal fer the freefrall ta commence! Fists start a swingin' all over the room, furniture start a flyin', chairs abustin' up over tables as people dodge, 'n over heads if'n they don't. 'N the four Slonikers as a man of one mind, 'n thout a word ta one another, decide it is time to be som'eres else. They hit the side door, pile inna car, an' hit the road. Not a moment too soon did they act, neither, 'cause less 'n a mile up the road 'n afore they get to the turnoff where they head back south, fum th'other direction come two po-lice cars, si-reens a blarin' 'n red lights aflashin', headin' right to th' Oasis!
Ever after thet, whenever they agoin' out, Cynthia Anne tell him, "It's 'yee-haw,' Junior. Yee-haw."
© 2014 David W. Lacy 40