Monday, November 24, 2014

Ten Commandments

for the 21st century.

I am Football, which brought you out of servitude to family, community, and good sense.
Thou shalt have no other entertainments before me.
Thou shalt not respect stadia to other sports, nor honor them, nor patronize their venues, for I am a jealous sport.
Thou shalt not take the name of Football in vain, nor show contempt nor disrespect, for the scoffer and scorner shall not be held blameless..
Remember Sunday  to keep it sporty.  Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work: and rest up from Monday and Thursday nights, which thou shalt also spend with me.
But  Sunday is Football’s day.  Thou and all thy kinfolk, thy pets, and the visitors amongst thee, shall do nothing that honoreth not nor respecteth not football.
Honor those who honor me, and only those who honor me.
Thou shalt not kill, yet those who scoff at me, eject thou from thy presence.
Thou shalt not be unfaithful to me, nor allow any other entertainment to cross thy threshold.
Thou shalt not steal time from me, except thou mayst refill thy plate and thy stein during commercial breaks.
Thou shalt not bear false witness, nay, even though the call may be in error.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s sixty-five inch screen, nor his wife who cheers his team with him, nor his pets, which verily wear his team’s colors.


Secondary Roads said...

I guess I'm an aballist. I don't believe in football. It's only the imaginings of a sick and twisted mind.

Jim Grey said...


Only time football is on at my house is when Dad is over and Notre Dame is playing.

vanilla said...

Chuck, scoffer! Sounds as though you may be one of those fender-cruncher fans who worships at the altar of burning rubber and humungous horsepower.

Jim, thanks. All I really want from my friends and family is a little moderation in their fandom. I mean, football is a silly game, not a god to be worshipped.

Vee said...

Hubby sleeps through football while I read a book. Perfect. He gets his nap time in and my storyline is uninterrupted.

As for refilling the plate and stein, I think that probably accounts for a lot of obesity. In addition I think wives who cheer are the great pretenders. Just judging!

vanilla said...

Vee, the whole take-off was my inner being responding to a local event. BBBH was polling people to determine whether to host Thanksgiving gathering on Thursday, or on a Sunday, either before or after. One member responded "I'd rather do it on Saturday," which you note was not one of the choices. "Because," he continued, "Thursday and Sundays interfere with my football." Now if this individual earned his livelihood playing NFL football, I would understand it; but inasmuch as he is just another blob planted in front of the TV with a beer in one hand and a bag of Doritos in the other, well, you see where I went with that.

Vee said...

Vanilla, I do understand. My first conflict with an ex in the family was over him not liking the time I set Thanksgiving dinner. He decided he would just take his plate to the TV area. No go! Hubby turned off the TV. By the next year that was settled and he came without a giving any grief. Must have liked the holiday meal. : )

vanilla said...

Vee, love it; the King who rules his castle rules the accoutrements in the castle. Good on him.

Sharkbytes said...

The New Testament: and the toilet may verily be flushed during said commercial breaks.

vanilla said...

Sharkey, excellent.