Thursday, January 3, 2013

Spandex shorts and butt cracks

Had to venture out to get bread and laundry detergent.  Headed to the checkout when from a ninety degree approach two young men stepped directly in front of me.  Not a problem, or it wouldn't have been except that the one nearest me who was handling the transaction with the clerk, tall, skinny-- but I didn't notice him first.  His buddy to his right had on a pair of "shorts" of the kind that come to the knee, spandex print fabric, bare shanks (180F outside) and lumberjack boots.  Idiot.

Then I turned my attention to the tall, skinny young man in front of me.  Unfortunately my eyes wandered to his waistline where I saw only grey undershorts, for his jeans were belted around his, I know no other way to put it, butt.  The shorts covered it, but three or four inches of butt crack were evident under the taut flimsy material.

First impulse, and fortunately I am not an impulsive person, was to put my index fingers in the belt loops and drop his pants to the floor, maybe giving him a little nudge in the shoulder to complete his contact with the floor.  But that, of course, would be A & B, so I refrained.  Next I thought to say, "How old are you, anyway?"  because these guys were not teenagers.  They were clearly twenty-something and much too old to look like idiots, unless of course they were idiots.  Well there you go, then.

I didn't do that either.  Bad vanilla.  How judgmental.  Good man; how sensible.  And yes, they are free to wander around in public in that condition, but that doesn't mean they should.

11 comments:

Jacquelineand.... said...

Oi! I can't say that I blame you for having those impulses although I applaud your self-control. Recognising that something is, well, ugly isn't reallly being judgemental; is it?

Jackie said...

I try never to be judgmental. But, I can't stand spandex on men.

I also have no clue why this generation and the last think wearing their pants down around their ankles is cool.....not!!

Happy day Vanilla!:-)

Shelly said...

It is moments like this when the teacher in me fights desperately to come out and I have to almost physically restrain myself from saying something. I saw a grown man in the store this morning in pajama pants. Ugh.

vanilla said...

Jacquelineand, I believe you are right. Nothing wrong with recognizing ugly when we see it.

Jackie, I am no fashion-plate myself, but I try to appear "normal" enough that people won't be repelled. No spandex, no dropped jeans.

Shelly, it is the case that good teachers sometimes have to exercise excessive self-restraint! Surely the guy you saw was sleep-walking, unaware that he was in public?

Pearl said...

You and me, buddy. My urge is to shove something down their cracks...

Plenty of that kind of foolishness going on, country-wide.

In my old age, once I have been reduced to, oh, 5 foot 2, I will have some fun with these guys. :-)

Pearl

vanilla said...

Pearl, upon reflection, I realize that you have addressed the visible butt-crack issue on "Pearl, why you Little." Hold onto your dreams, but I fervently hope that the abhorrent condition will have passed long before you are reduced to old age, or five foot two.

Secondary Roads said...

The two facts about these types that bother me the most are:
1. They vote
2. They procreate

Lord have mercy!

Lin said...

Oh, I'm good with that...I always say "excuse me, your pants are gonna fall down..." and then my kid nearly dies and they are sorta mortified. If you say it the right way, they get it. Sometimes, you gotta drop some thoughts on folks and let them settle...sorta like a leaf on the water. They sink after some time. Although some take longer than others...

vanilla said...

Chuck, scary, isn't it?

Lin, your charm is irresistible.

Sharkbytes said...

Oh, you made me laugh! Remember snuggies? It tempts me with so much underwear showing to lift it to their armpits. Oh wait, naughty shark! You didn't just say that did you?

vanilla said...

Shark, BBBH's thought as well. She put it, "Give them the mother of all wedgies," or something like that.